How to let go of things that do you no good

Okay, hands up who has a pile of magazines they will never read? And who has a stack of clothes they never wear? Who has friends or family who make them feel awful? And who dreads going to their job? I bet most people would have felt the need to raise your hand to at least one of those points (although, you probably didn’t actually do it because the people around you at work would think you were nuts).

Target: Clutter

We all hold on to a lot of things in our lives that we just don’t need. Things that are memorable or could be useful one day but they often just aren’t. After moving house three times (and being stuffed in the only place it could fit) that old thingummy that was going to be so useful one day is nearly always broken when you need it. The pointlessness of owning it all this time is often lost on us beneath all our excuses for owning it in the first place and our general grumpiness that it was broken when we needed it. Wouldn’t it have been better to buy it just before you need it? Too right!

So, how do we stop ourselves hanging onto stuff we don’t need? Well, working out why we feel we need it is a start. For some it’s a fear of forgetting something important. For others it’s a fear of not having what you need when you need it. A wise person once told me (and I’m so glad he meant this in jest) “Well, the only things I remember throwing away are the things I needed later”. Well, duh! The truth being that there are many more things you never thought of again.

So, why worry? Consider the tale of an old jumper of mine (Oh, go on. It won’t hurt). I always felt the need to keep this particular jumper regardless of the fact that it was too big for me (and never looked any good) just in case I got cold enough to need it. I never wore it. Ever. It was completely illogical to continue to hold on to that jumper. I have other jumpers. I didn’t need it. It still took a lot of work to give it to charity (honest!).

How to declutter? Home decluttering is easier than you might think. Pick up every item in your house and question it’s value. Is it useful? Do you use it? Do you love it? Do you need it? Do you want it? Is it broken? Will you fix it? Is it pretty/ornate? Is it valuable? Does it bring back memories? Was it given to you? If you can’t work out why you still have it then get rid of it. If it’s an ornament you don’t like then give it to charity. If it’s pretty then put it on display, dammit! Use it for what it is. Make it worth owning. If it’s only use is for memories then store it safely and in a way that you can access when you want to remember. If it needs fixing then make an effort to fix it. If you’re not going to fix it then give it to someone who will. There’s no point having a gigantic mending “to do” list that only serves to clutter your house and make you feel guilty. Take a photo and let it go: you can still dream grand thoughts without hanging on to physical manifestations of the dream.

Here’s a hint: If you are considering getting rid of something but you’re not quite sure try packing it away for a while. If you don’t need it within a few months then get rid of it. And do the world a favour and sell the item or give it to charity. Don’t just chuck it.

In the end it comes down to separating the needs from the wants (and separating the don’t needs and don’t wants from the needs and wants). Most of our accumulated clutter comes from buying things we don’t really need or want. Maybe it’s time to think more carefully about what we buy. It would save all the pain and suffering later when we are forced to contemplate chucking it away.

Well, there’s that one down. But what about other things we keep around that do us no good at all. Jobs, partners and friends? We really need to question the value of the things we spend a lot of time on and the people we spend a lot of time with. Why? Because life is short and we need to have the best time we can before we die. Slightly morbid, I know. But it’s true, okay?

Target: People

Let’s tackle the harder topic first: People. It might sound nasty to want to spend less time with the people that do you no good. But take a little time to consider this thought carefully. For starters, you’re probably not doing them any good either. If you’re constantly arguing or bickering then you’re causing each other undue stress for no good reason. Spend less time with this person and reserve seeing each other for occasions where you will enjoy each other’s company for a short while only. It’s no secret that parents and teenagers get along far better after the child moves out. And I’ve just given you the reason why. Now, don’t worry too much about this. You don’t have to completely cut contact with the people in your life that are wrong for you. You don’t have to do anything at all. Just spend more of your time with the people who are right for you. You’ll still see the others when it’s important to do so.

So, let’s try similar tactics to finding value in people as we did with clutter. Do you love them? Are they funny? Do they like you? Are they interesting? Are they inspiring? Does time fly when you’re with them? Do you look forward to being with them? Do they make you feel special? Do they help you? Do you feel inspired to help them? Does it make you feel good to help them? Are they an old friend? Are they family? Are you responsible for them? Are they close to someone you want to stay close to? Do you enjoy your time with them? If you can’t see a good reason to spend time with them after asking yourself these questions then you are probably spending your time with the wrong people (in fact, you might well choose to continue to do so. But at least do it knowingly).

Who does make you feel good? Who do you enjoy the company of? Get on the phone and invite them to something, silly. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be a better person. People who keep you on your toes mentally. People who you can talk to for days at a time. People who have achieved great things (things that you admire as great things). A friend may achieve great things by volunteer work or by remembering everyone’s names. As long as you remain impressed by the achievement you will probably find great value in the friend.

On this point, I have one friend who can speak Chinese as a second language fluently whereas my partner has read just about every science fiction book ever written (okay, slight exaggeration). These two both admire the other for their achievements and yet fail to recognise the value of their own. It is probably worth recognising what draws people to you. For your own sanity, that is.

Target: Work

And now onto the big nasty: Work. When do you draw the line? How do you tell if work is doing you more harm than good? What would you do if you weren’t there? There’s lots of things you need to ask yourself before you can make this judgement. It’s worth seriously weighing up the pros and cons before deciding. And speak to your boss because it may only take a change of pace to make you immensely happier at work.

Do you love your job? Is it rewarding? Do you make a difference to the world? Do you get make a difference for a few people? Are you satisfied? Is the job keeping you interested? Do you look forward to work? Do you dream of a different career? Do you like the hours? Do you like the minutes? Is the way you spend most days appealing? Is the content of your workday appealing (ie there’s a very big difference between working in a call centre for a manure company and a call centre for an insurance company)? Do you have status in the company? Is there potential for promotion or restructure? Does your employer train people for higher roles? Are the wages high enough for the work you do? Are the wages high enough for your budget and lifestyle? Do you get to work autonomously? Are you micro managed? Are you a leader? Are your opinions heard? How does the office location suit you? What are the office aesthetics like? Do you have a view? Is your desk comfortable? What is the office politics like? Do you like your boss and peers? Is there a social culture? Are you a part of it? Do you value the company itself? Do you believe in the product? The list can go on and on..

I have a list of questions for the flip side, too: If you were to leave this job what would you do? Would you have enough money to survive? Can you go back to study something more fulfilling? Would you be more happy with a part time bar job than your full time office job? Are you thinking of starting a business? Are you the right sort of person to run a business? Are you ready? Face it, leaving your job without a plan of what else you’re going to do could be a pretty stupid move. Even if you have savings you might use them up before you work it out your life’s purpose. Plan first. And don’t forget to talk to your boss (before doing anything) about negotiating fewer hours or further responsibility. They might be able to help you.

So, sort out your stuff, your friends and your job by really questioning their value. Be honest with yourself! Then you can de-clutter your home, stop yourself spending on things you don’t need, have awesome friends that make you feel great and get a job you love!

Image Credit: Karl Sinfield