What are you working on?

If someone asks you that, are you excited to tell them the answer?

I hope so. If not, you’re wasting away.

No matter what your job is, no matter where you work, there’s a way to create a project (on your own, on weekends if necessary), where the excitement is palpable, where something that might make a difference is right around the corner.

Hurry, go do that.

Are you rusting away at work doing a job you hate? Do you work from home, but always seem to be working on the stuff you don’t like? Well this post is for you.

Make time for the things that get you excited. That’s the good bit. :)

Sure, do the less-exciting work too (keep your job!) but make sure there’s always something to look forward to which gets your brain ticking. If there’s nothing in your life which you’d happily jump out of bed for, then there’s something missing. Go find it!

First basic step to dinner party planning: Have a clean house. Not fastidiously clean to the point of obsessive compulsive disorder. Just clean. Actually clean. You don’t want to have to do dishes before your guest can have a drink. That can be kind of uncomfortable for the guest and annoying for you. But, moving a newspaper from the table after they turn up is alright, you know? You still have to live in the house.

Now, you need to be able to offer your guests nice things to break the ice. Tea, coffee, fizzy drinks, juice, cordial, wine, beer or something even more interesting. Your call – just have something available. The more choice the better. And be generous! If they drink all your wine they’ll probably bring a bottle to share next time if they’re nice. Same goes for nibblies: Cheese and crackers, olives, bread, chocolate biscuits. Offer whatever you have and put it on the table. You can always put it away later if it’s not eaten. Relax. The magic trick with drinks and nibblies is to prepare early. Buy things well before you think anyone will be dropping in and don’t eat them in the meantime! The next magic trick is to make everyone feel at ease by ensuring it looks like no effort at all to put on a nice snack and drink for everyone. The only thing I can say there is if you are prepared it will feel easier. So, just be prepared. Easy!

Right, well now we’ve got your guests onto nibbles and drinks it’s worth thinking about a meal. Again, preparation is the most important thing. If they turned up spontaneously then they’ll be less trouble than if you invited them deliberately, since spontaneous guests don’t really expect to be fed a real meal. So, you’re doing great if you can offer a meal.

For all meals though, consider any dietary requirements. Have you got any vegetarians? Any wheat intolerant people? Diabetics? Chilli intolerant? Get the details before you start cooking. If they are unable to eat something in particular they may offer to help you to come up with something they can eat. Something vegetarian or very light on meat could work especially well if you are on a budget. If they turned up unannounced it is perfectly reasonable to say “I have nothing to eat. Let’s order pizza”. They’ll get over it. They’re your friends.

While you’re cooking, make sure that there’s ample nibbles on the table, drinks are topped up and some appropriate music is on in the background. In fact, continue topping up drinks, replacing nibbles and ensuring the music is appropriate until the night is over. Music is something you’ll have to adapt to the crowd, but generally put on something quiet that the people there like. If you have no idea what people will like then something quiet and hopefully without lyrics is probably best. So, jazz or lounge music (fairly quietly) is great. Because, unless you want this to turn into a raging, drunken party it’s probably best to avoid your favourite 80s collection of stuff people want to sing along to. No, really it is.

So, we have the basics covered. People are eating and drinking and having a good time at your place. But what if you have the chance to plan who is coming? Who do you invite? Well, start by deciding who the important people are. Who have you been meaning to see for ages? Start with them. Do they have a partner? Add the partner. Right, what does the partner do? Hobbies? Work? Whatever? Who out of your friends (or your partner’s friends) might get along with them? Invite them and their partner. What do they and their partner do? What do they like? Who might get along with them? Etc. Etc. Now, which of your friends are good at getting along with just about anyone? Maybe invite them too. And add a partner. Get it? Easy!

You might want to mix it up a little more by having a part of the evening dedicated to a particular activity and invite anyone interested in that, ie games night, wine and cheese night or a cocktail party. Invite anyone interested in said activity and ensure a few of your “social glue” socialite friends are definitely coming. Put less thought into the people and more though into the activity if this is what you’re doing.

So, now we get to the end of the night. Is anyone unable to get home? If you have people staying there are a few nice things you can remember to do. This could be the unplanned “too drunk to drive” stay or it could be (in another style of scenario entirely) having rellies over for a week. And again, it all comes down to planning things that can be ready long before you even know there’s someone coming over. This is far easier with a guest room. If you are without a guest room then at least make sure you have a space with some blankets or a sleeping bag for each of your guests. Not many people mind being left fending for themselves in the morning as long as they can easily get a shower, breakfast and leave if they require. So, put a list of things people might need to know on the side of the fridge and/or in the guest room. Let them know where the towels are. List any quirks of the house that might hinder them from flushing the toilet or getting out the front door, etc. Make sure they know if any of the clocks in the house are wrong. Let them know how to use your washing machine. Let them know where to find breakfast food and bowls. Make sure your phone numbers are listed so they can write it down and call if they forget to take something home.

The rest of this is really dependent on how long they are staying and how well they already know your area. If they’re staying a while, then give them a key to the house! Your phone numbers are even more important for longer term guests – just in case they get lost or want some advice. Let them know a little about the local area too, like where to find the bus stop and shops. If you’re really good, you might get a copy of the bus timetable for them or info on where to hire a car. If you’re an angel then you might lend a car or a bike. But no-one expects you to be that good. Other info people might want if they’re staying a while could be on the location of parks, swimming pools, beaches, dry cleaners, takeaway places, pubs, libraries, theatres, movie hire places, cafes and night clubs etc. If they’re from far away they might even want some info about sightseeing in the wider surrounding area. Oh, and if they’re even the teensiest bit geeky they’ll love to know passwords and details for your wireless network or computer so they can get online. Handy hint: If you’re renting a house out it’s a good idea to write a similar list for your tenants too!

Having guests over regularly is a great way to avoid the TV, generally slow your life down and stay in touch with your favourite people, so being ready and willing to host small dinner parties is a talent that goes a long way towards a great life.

Basically, if your guests are self sufficient they will feel more comfortable and won’t be relying on you to entertain them and look after them all the time. You will be more relaxed and reassured that they are happy and entertained. It’s not rocket science. It’s just a teensy bit of planning. Get organised!

Image Credit: Bob Walker

He’s also made nifty wallpaper for all sorts of devices of his “8 to be great” cycle.

Target: Clutter

We all hold on to a lot of things in our lives that we just don’t need. Things that are memorable or could be useful one day but they often just aren’t. After moving house three times (and being stuffed in the only place it could fit) that old thingummy that was going to be so useful one day is nearly always broken when you need it. The pointlessness of owning it all this time is often lost on us beneath all our excuses for owning it in the first place and our general grumpiness that it was broken when we needed it. Wouldn’t it have been better to buy it just before you need it? Too right!

So, how do we stop ourselves hanging onto stuff we don’t need? Well, working out why we feel we need it is a start. For some it’s a fear of forgetting something important. For others it’s a fear of not having what you need when you need it. A wise person once told me (and I’m so glad he meant this in jest) “Well, the only things I remember throwing away are the things I needed later”. Well, duh! The truth being that there are many more things you never thought of again.

So, why worry? Consider the tale of an old jumper of mine (Oh, go on. It won’t hurt). I always felt the need to keep this particular jumper regardless of the fact that it was too big for me (and never looked any good) just in case I got cold enough to need it. I never wore it. Ever. It was completely illogical to continue to hold on to that jumper. I have other jumpers. I didn’t need it. It still took a lot of work to give it to charity (honest!).

How to declutter? Home decluttering is easier than you might think. Pick up every item in your house and question it’s value. Is it useful? Do you use it? Do you love it? Do you need it? Do you want it? Is it broken? Will you fix it? Is it pretty/ornate? Is it valuable? Does it bring back memories? Was it given to you? If you can’t work out why you still have it then get rid of it. If it’s an ornament you don’t like then give it to charity. If it’s pretty then put it on display, dammit! Use it for what it is. Make it worth owning. If it’s only use is for memories then store it safely and in a way that you can access when you want to remember. If it needs fixing then make an effort to fix it. If you’re not going to fix it then give it to someone who will. There’s no point having a gigantic mending “to do” list that only serves to clutter your house and make you feel guilty. Take a photo and let it go: you can still dream grand thoughts without hanging on to physical manifestations of the dream.

Here’s a hint: If you are considering getting rid of something but you’re not quite sure try packing it away for a while. If you don’t need it within a few months then get rid of it. And do the world a favour and sell the item or give it to charity. Don’t just chuck it.

In the end it comes down to separating the needs from the wants (and separating the don’t needs and don’t wants from the needs and wants). Most of our accumulated clutter comes from buying things we don’t really need or want. Maybe it’s time to think more carefully about what we buy. It would save all the pain and suffering later when we are forced to contemplate chucking it away.

Well, there’s that one down. But what about other things we keep around that do us no good at all. Jobs, partners and friends? We really need to question the value of the things we spend a lot of time on and the people we spend a lot of time with. Why? Because life is short and we need to have the best time we can before we die. Slightly morbid, I know. But it’s true, okay?

Target: People

Let’s tackle the harder topic first: People. It might sound nasty to want to spend less time with the people that do you no good. But take a little time to consider this thought carefully. For starters, you’re probably not doing them any good either. If you’re constantly arguing or bickering then you’re causing each other undue stress for no good reason. Spend less time with this person and reserve seeing each other for occasions where you will enjoy each other’s company for a short while only. It’s no secret that parents and teenagers get along far better after the child moves out. And I’ve just given you the reason why. Now, don’t worry too much about this. You don’t have to completely cut contact with the people in your life that are wrong for you. You don’t have to do anything at all. Just spend more of your time with the people who are right for you. You’ll still see the others when it’s important to do so.

So, let’s try similar tactics to finding value in people as we did with clutter. Do you love them? Are they funny? Do they like you? Are they interesting? Are they inspiring? Does time fly when you’re with them? Do you look forward to being with them? Do they make you feel special? Do they help you? Do you feel inspired to help them? Does it make you feel good to help them? Are they an old friend? Are they family? Are you responsible for them? Are they close to someone you want to stay close to? Do you enjoy your time with them? If you can’t see a good reason to spend time with them after asking yourself these questions then you are probably spending your time with the wrong people (in fact, you might well choose to continue to do so. But at least do it knowingly).

Who does make you feel good? Who do you enjoy the company of? Get on the phone and invite them to something, silly. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be a better person. People who keep you on your toes mentally. People who you can talk to for days at a time. People who have achieved great things (things that you admire as great things). A friend may achieve great things by volunteer work or by remembering everyone’s names. As long as you remain impressed by the achievement you will probably find great value in the friend.

On this point, I have one friend who can speak Chinese as a second language fluently whereas my partner has read just about every science fiction book ever written (okay, slight exaggeration). These two both admire the other for their achievements and yet fail to recognise the value of their own. It is probably worth recognising what draws people to you. For your own sanity, that is.

Target: Work

And now onto the big nasty: Work. When do you draw the line? How do you tell if work is doing you more harm than good? What would you do if you weren’t there? There’s lots of things you need to ask yourself before you can make this judgement. It’s worth seriously weighing up the pros and cons before deciding. And speak to your boss because it may only take a change of pace to make you immensely happier at work.

Do you love your job? Is it rewarding? Do you make a difference to the world? Do you get make a difference for a few people? Are you satisfied? Is the job keeping you interested? Do you look forward to work? Do you dream of a different career? Do you like the hours? Do you like the minutes? Is the way you spend most days appealing? Is the content of your workday appealing (ie there’s a very big difference between working in a call centre for a manure company and a call centre for an insurance company)? Do you have status in the company? Is there potential for promotion or restructure? Does your employer train people for higher roles? Are the wages high enough for the work you do? Are the wages high enough for your budget and lifestyle? Do you get to work autonomously? Are you micro managed? Are you a leader? Are your opinions heard? How does the office location suit you? What are the office aesthetics like? Do you have a view? Is your desk comfortable? What is the office politics like? Do you like your boss and peers? Is there a social culture? Are you a part of it? Do you value the company itself? Do you believe in the product? The list can go on and on..

I have a list of questions for the flip side, too: If you were to leave this job what would you do? Would you have enough money to survive? Can you go back to study something more fulfilling? Would you be more happy with a part time bar job than your full time office job? Are you thinking of starting a business? Are you the right sort of person to run a business? Are you ready? Face it, leaving your job without a plan of what else you’re going to do could be a pretty stupid move. Even if you have savings you might use them up before you work it out your life’s purpose. Plan first. And don’t forget to talk to your boss (before doing anything) about negotiating fewer hours or further responsibility. They might be able to help you.

So, sort out your stuff, your friends and your job by really questioning their value. Be honest with yourself! Then you can de-clutter your home, stop yourself spending on things you don’t need, have awesome friends that make you feel great and get a job you love!

Image Credit: Karl Sinfield

Work it out!

You might think you don’t know what direction you really ought to be taking. But you probably have an inkling. What are you dreaming about while you wait for the photocopier to finish printing? What are you doing when the afternoon just flies by? When someone asks what you do for a living what do you wish you could tell them? Set clear goals for yourself!

Make a path

When you realise that you know what you want you must act on it! Do some research. Maybe you need to study and re-train. Maybe you have the technical skills and now need to learn about running your own business. Don’t just leave it all pie in the sky – Work out how you are going to get there!

Do it!

That’s a pretty big step just there. But the real step is the next bit. Doing what you love. Having what you want. For real. Taking charge of your life just about the single most exciting thing you can do for yourself this lifetime.

Put away all your insecurities. Set aside your self doubt. Get rid of all your excuses: You are not too young/old to start (Look, An 84 year old man is learning to read at primary school), you are not too overweight to be slim again, you have willpower. If you find it too hard to believe in yourself then surround yourself in people that believe in you and let the fan club do the talking. (Just make sure you return the favour, okay?)

You would never have got as far as you have today if you had believed you were incapable of changing yourself. Learning to walk, read, ride a bike are all huge undertakings. When you first sat on that bike and saw the ground a long, long way away you were probably scared to death. Scared that you weren’t going to be able to ride and scared that not being able to ride was going to hurt a lot. And for a long time you couldn’t ride. And it hurt. And it damaged your confidence every time you fell off. But you believed it was possible. You believed you could do it. And eventually you did.

What happened to your childlike self-belief? When you knew nothing about anything and you had everything in the world to learn why did you believe you could? Why can’t you do that for yourself now?

So, what’s stopping you from having it all? Why have you not taken that step? Do you have a plan? Is the path achievable? Are you able to visualise yourself achieving your goals? As a happy, successful person? Yes, it can be you!

Take the first step.

“He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg” — Chinese proverb

So, what are you afraid of? Afraid that it won’t work. Afraid that you can’t get it done in time? Afraid that you don’t know enough? You’re not good enough? Or is it your attitude to the task?

Matt Inglot theorises in this article that school engraves a mentality that “work needs to be put off as long as possible so that play can occur”. He’s right.. and for that schooling has a lot to answer for. But once we acknowledge this we can get over it. You have to. What you are procrastinating about could change your life.

Starting something is risky. So is not starting something. What’s it gonna be?

Bill from Unleash your potential writes in his article Don’t let fear steal your dream: “Every successful person I know is a risk-taker. If you are honest with yourself, every successful person you know is a risk-taker as well.”

Planning is hard. You’re always torn between the dream and the reality of what you can achieve. Eventually you also have to decide that you have planned enough and it is officially time to do something.

Busy people have it easy in this respect. Busy people see the task at hand and mull over it while they’re in low brain-usage moments: in the shower, on a bus etc. Then they work out when the only feasible time to get this task done is. Then when that timeslot comes up they just plow on into the task. They figure it’s now or never so it just gets done. On that note, if you ever have something important you need to delegate give the job to a busy person. They’ll get it done.

A monster article, is procrastination a gift?, tries to see the positive side in procrastinating. For some, I guess, the stress of leaving things to the last minute can provide the adrenalin required to get it done. I mean, that’s how most people finish their thesis. But the adrenalin forced last-minuters are always jealous of the people who could make themselves prepare and do it earlier. Face it. Stress just isn’t that much fun.

“He who has begun the task has half done it” — Horace (Roman Poet)

Starting to do things is the hardest bit. Once you get going you can use the momentum of doing to keep doing. And you can watch the task head towards completion. It’s undeniable feedback of your good work.. and that’s hard to ignore. Positive feedback always makes you feel great about getting on with more of what got you the feedback.

Jessica Robinson has some great pros and cons here on whether to tackle a new task with “baby steps” or a “massive action”. She also notes that sometimes jut by making a baby step “you could flow gently along with the tide and not only use it to your advantage, but thoroughly enjoy it.”

So, the basic steps to overcoming procrastination are:

• Get over your fear of starting by understanding that the consequences of not starting are risky too.
• Calculate the risks involved.
• Plan.. but then move on.
• Understand that it’s not “work” you’re procrastinating about. It’s your study. It’s your business. It’s your promotion. It’s your life.
• Get busy. Schedule a time to complete things.
• Look forward to the momentum and positive feedback that doing it will bring.
• Adjust and try to enjoy the idea of doing it.
• Make a start, however small. That first step is the hard step.
• Do it today. Tomorrow never comes.

Now, bugger off and get on with it!

You might even zone out for a while in front of the teev, but it’s still going to bombard you with ads for things you don’t need (but now strangely remember when you’re out shopping). And worse still, if your kids see the ads they’re going to bug you for stuff you can’t afford. Why choose to do that to yourself?

If you come home stressed out and in need of relaxation then actively make time to relax. Take a bath with some candles and a cup of tea or glass of wine. Or curl up in a quiet place and read or take a nap. Take the time to wind down. Put on some quiet music. Maybe a classical radio station. Something peaceful, anyway. An hour like this and you’ll feel much better than you would after an hour in front of the TV. Honestly. Do yourself the favour.

Make mealtimes a sociable thing. Get the whole household motivated and cook together. Get everyone chatting during the meal. You’d be surprised how many families and share houses don’t do this. And it makes such a difference to communication within the household. Well worth the effort.

Building good relationships is far more worthwhile than watching an hour or so of TV. And it’s actually fun. If you live alone you could invite people round for dinner a few times a week. They might even return the favour. Either way, it’s a pleasant way to spend an evening. Much more fun that the teev.

How about going for a walk after dinner with everyone? Nice and healthy. Also nice to see the neighbourhood and pay attention to it a little. Or do some study. Play a board game. Something pleasant and/or self improving. It’s very fulfilling to do something wholesome. Or go and meet friends for coffee or cocktails. Not as wholesome, but definitely fun!

Personally, I spend a lot of time going to concerts, theatre, gigs and movies etc. That can be quite costly, but you can sign up for cheap subscriptions or watch amateur performances to keep the costs down.

Another cheap and fulfilling form of entertainment is to take dance classes or join an amateur theatre group or choir. Have fun meeting people and perfecting your talents for very little cost. These things can often let you explore another side of yourself and take time out from the normal schedule.

If that’s not your thing then why not consider a short course in something you’re somewhat interested in? New cooking style? Something historical? Learn a language? Maybe something more important like a night course for your upcoming change of career.

But if you really are looking forward to an evening of pretty pixels in your own lounge room there are still ways in which you can improve the quality of what you watch. While you’re out and about doing interesting things you can still record your favourite shows for watching later. That way you can fast forward the ads. If you don’t know how to programme your VCR or DVD recorder then take the time to learn! That way you can watch your favourite stuff when it suits you.

The biggest positive to recording shows for later is to avoid the adverts. But the next best reason is that you are only watching the shows you value and not getting sidetracked watching things just because you’re sitting in front of the box. Another way to only watch shows you value is to buy or rent the dvds of that show or movie. Most libraries have a good selection of DVDs to hire FOR FREE (Wow! Books too!). Local and online DVD stores can supply you with hours of entertainment for very little cost.

The point is to be discerning with your viewing. Don’t just watch any old show. Surely you have better things to do. You have a life. Don’t you?